There’s a quotation in Hindi – Jab Jab Jo Jo Hona Hota Hai Tab Tab Wo Wo Hota Hai. Upshot.
There are events in the day that we fear. Cause we’re scared that things won’t go the way we want, that all our plans and dreams will come unstuck, we’ll face rejection and failure. We fear and we live out this fear multiple times, each time making this outcome more real, strengthening it.
Stop. Fears are unavoidable. But why give them power and strength and send out negative visualisations to the Universe?
Instead the minute fear comes up how about we take a step back, breathe, calm ourselves down and see the event happen exactly the way we want it to. In fact even better, let’s visualise outcomes that we didn’t even dare to dream of…
And let’s do this every time we think of the event or fear creeps in. Let’s do this for everything we want in our life. Let’s constantly send out positive vibrations and energy to our dreams and script them into reality.
Let’s make our dreams happen
Fear of failure is something we’re all familiar with. But sneakily, insidiously, something that messes up our life as much or even more is the fear of success…
Sure, we want that job, that start up, that bestseller book, that guy or girl to say yes, the house, the trip, the chance to be in that competition. But somewhere inside we are also terrified of achieving our dreams.
Why? What? Could be lots of things. From inadequacy – will I be able to run the company, make the film, be a good spouse? After all just dreaming about being a success is enough of an ego kick. Actually living it and finding we aren’t as good as we think we are and needing to work and learn and pull up our socks is quite distasteful to the ego.
There could also be other fears – wanting love and yet being scared of getting tied down, similarly with wanting to have one’s own enterprise but feeling scared of being weighed down by responsiblity.
The list is endless. But the point is subtly, surreptitiously without us knowing it, these fears are sending out mixed signals to the Universe and sabotaging our dreams. Hence the so close and yet so far, I’m doing everything and yet nothing’s happening.
Let’s just look deep within figure what our fears are, face them, accept them. Then moving beyond let’s tell the Universe I’m sorry I was afraid and thus impeding the goodness you were sending me. But I’m ready now and looking forward to it. So Bring it On.
There’s an exciting life waiting for us. Let’s go beyond fear and grab it.
There are so many good, kind, wonderful people around us. Who unconditionally love us, support us, do things for us, love us, inspire and motivate us, teach us, guide us, reprimand and correct us, invisibly remove obstacles from our path, bring us closer to our dreams, pray for us, root for us, do their utmost to make our lives more comfortable and more joyous.
Do we notice them, acknowledge them? Maybe sometimes. Do we appreciate them? Perhaps. Are we grateful for them? We should be. Cause it is a phenomenonal blessing to have such goodness and love in our lives. Especially when so often we rail and rant about how things are not fine in our lives, we’re not getting the right breaks and so on.
Today let’s think of all these people, thank them even if it’s just silently, thank the Higher Power for blessing us with such good souls and let’s feel grateful, fortunate and joyous.
The ego is only interested in drama. And in making us seem bigger than everyone else even if it is just the biggest drama queen or the biggest tantrum thrower. And in this process it sabotages all that is good or could be good in our lives.
How many times does the ego tell us – don’t take this shit, walk out of this project/job or call it quits on this relationship.
Now the ego revels in the drama of a walkout – a quitting – there’s the gratification of feeling like having got the last world, telling everyone off. Also the martyrdom – I junked my job/relationship for a principle. And then the wallowing in frustration, misery, bitterness, guilt, sadness, regret for the next 6 months, year. Or still fashioning tales of how we were the victims, the wronged ones and it’s the others who’ve lost out on us, their tragedy.
Fact is the world moves on, it’s only we, thanks to our ego, who are sitting a la Devdas and thinking we are a monumental tragedy king and the world will one day understand the pathos that was us.
Let’s cut all this crap. Sure there may be real situations where severing ties is the best alternative but those are few and far between. Most of the time when we nurse these thoughts we are just doing drama, trying to make ourselves feel wronged, misunderstood, victimised. And in building these disaster scenarios in our head we are sending out invitations to the Universe to make them real thus sabotaging great career opportunities, our most crucial relationships, our very lives.
So from today, instead of giving in to the ego and nursing these sob stories, martyr tales, let’s understand what the root of the issue with our boss/client/spouse/parents/friends is and try and address that. Let’s be open, understand and try to be understood.
Most of all, let’s rescript these scenarios in our head where we see happy outcomes, success in the projects, joy and love in the relationships. Let’s visualize happily ever after rather than doom and destruction.
And then see the miracles unfold
So often we think to ourselves- once I get past this difficult situation I’ll be happy. Or once I achieve that milestone I’ll be happy. And so we keep making our happiness contingent on factors outside of our control and keep postponing our joy, our living this life.
News Flash! That tomorrow never shows up. We get out of one situation and another comes up. We achieve one thing and then we see another peak that must be surmounted.
Point is this process of up, down, places to go, worlds to conquer will keep going on through life. But if we keep postponing being happy till after we’re done with all of this, we’re talking about an after life. And we don’t even know if that exists.
So let the trials, tribulations, triumphs continue. And simultaneously let’s just choose to be happy, to have fun with whatever we’re doing, to find joy even in the most adverse of circumstances, to constantly do little things that make us happy, to never postpone anything our heart wants – not for some goal, not cause of some situation.
Life – our life is in the middle of all these upheavals and if we don’t reach out and seize it, it will slip away.
Let’s take charge of our happiness, let’s make sure we’re living our life, not existing through it as some sort of waiting game.
In life we are always going to get feedback, criticism, advice – call it what you want. This could be about our work, the way we dress – our look, the way we talk, behave or any aspect of our persona, the way we conduct our selves, the way we live our lives…
Notice nowhere is the feedback about us – the real us – our core. That is as it is, pure, inviolate. All the above areas that could be criticised may come from our core but mostly they come from our ego, our conditioning, our beliefs, patterns, attitudes and consequently none of them are wrought in stone, all are fair game when it comes to change and betterment.
Trouble is our ego won’t let us think that way. Any feedback on our work, behaviour, persona is conveyed to us as a feedback about us, our very core. And hence we feel our identity itself is threatened, we either shut down or go through self worth issues or get defensive and so on.
Thus losing the opportunity to just dispassionately see where there’s room for improvement, learn, grow and move on.
We are not our work, our patterns, our clothes, our body also. We, our truest selves are not even our words or behaviour or actions. Which doesn’t mean to see we don’t take responsibility for them. Quite the contrary, we not only take full responsibility but we also take the onus of changing what’s not working. But without bringing our self worth or identity into question. Cause that stands tall regardless.
We are special, unique, beautiful people. Nothing can change or threaten that. So let’s keep this distinction clear, let’s not bring our egos into the picture when feedback happens and let’s just work to make our outside manifestations as beautiful and fabulous as our inner true selves. In fact let our inner selves define our behaviour and attitudes, not our ego or any conditioning or pattern or defence mechanism.
To being our awesome selves.
There are situations we hate, resist, run from, cause we know they are out of our comfort zone. We cannot excel in them, hell, we can’t even make a passable showing. That’s what scares us or rather our ego – that we will be seen in all our ineptitude, seen as not good enough, be an object of ridicule, a loser.
Hang on, that’s what our ego tell us. To derail us, to get us to avoid and sabotage our going through that situation, that experience.
But truth is we are inept cause it’s something we are doing for the first time, something at which we are a novice. So obviously we’re going to suck at it. Where’s the shame in that?
We didn’t walk the first time we tried to stand up, we crashed on our ass. We sucked at cycling, swimming, writing, math, boiling water and everything else when we were learning it.
But we allowed ourselves and that’s how we learned and became the dudes we think of ourselves as now. But to become a dude at something new we have to allow ourselves to again become a novice, a dud.
And life is in these opportunities to learn, these journeys of accepting our shortcomings and with humility and openness allowing ourselves to be guided and taught, allowing ourselves to be moulded and shaped into a better us. This is where there’s so much joy, laughter, growth, madness, fun…
Let’s not lose that on account of fear of hurting our ego. Chuck the ego, choose life and living.
It’s great to be excited, charged up, super enthusiastic about things – be it work, a project, a relationship, a holiday, something we’re learning et al. After all this excitement and enthusiasm is the fuel that will drive us up the slope and all the way to the end.
Only thing is, right at the outset, stop and figure what part of this excitement is coming from our ego. From imagining a glorious end, adulation, kudos, praise, fame and all that jazz. It’s natural and this is bound to be there.
Only let’s take a step back and drop this right now. Let’s focus on the real reason why we want to do – the joy of doing, giving, loving, exploring, learning. Let’s keep that as our centre, build our drive and motivation from that.
Cause truth is, at the first sign of adversity, when there’s no immediate gratification or kick or adulation, the ego will do a 180° twist, make us feel depressed, disappointed, demotivated, push us to drop the idea, quit. The initial excitement we started with will vanish and we’ll be marooned high and dry.
But when we’re running on the joy of doing, of the journey, enriching and edifying ourselves, outside approbation is not a crutch or reward we’re seeking. And hence the lack of it doesn’t dissuade us. A surfeit of it doesn’t make us go nuts. We stay true to the purity of why we started and remain above petty ups and downs.
We create our excitement, enthusiasm, energy and motivation then, don’t have to scrounge for it from outside. Now ain’t that the best way to be?
There are times in life when we may feel alone, isolated, left out. Rather than sink into a morass of depression and loneliness, let’s just take step back, breathe for a bit and reassess.
Sure what we’re feeling may be real. But could it be possible that this is happening partly because of our own selves? Cause we’ve been shutting people out, keeping the walls up, hiding behind excuses of being busy, not letting people see the sadness and vulnerabilities inside of ourselves. Cause we haven’t been reaching out, trying to make connections with people, making them a part of our lives, we haven’t really been spending quality time with others – getting to know them, allowing them to get to know us.
Even if we have been guilty of this there’s no cause to feel bad or flay ourselves. The good news is we now know exactly what to do to alleviate our loneliness – exactly the opposite of what we’ve been doing. Open our hearts, let people in, let them know what’s going on, let them see the true us.
There is more than enough love and companionship for each one of us. All we have to do is reach out and grab it.
Big panda hug and lots of love to you